This week I conducted a television interview with Carole Ramsey on the Goddess T.O.U.C.H. (www.goddesstouch.net), WRPBiTV, which will air at 7:30 on Wednesday, September 11, 2013, a day generally associated with chaos. As we prepared for the interview I felt a powerful calming energy, the type of energy that is needed to transform any anticipated chaos into calm.
Preparing for the interview I looked back on my life and realized there was not one but two of us. I was born a twin intricately intertwined with another person. However, the deeper I explored my inner depths, the more identities I uncovered within me.
I was born left-handed and naturally inclined to be left-handed. But a family decision and what I call an artificial experiment turned me right-handed. The more I prepared for the interview and studied who I was, the more I learned who I am. It helped me to clean mental and emotional fog that gave better visibility and reflected shadows within me; two separate identities, maybe more. There was the naturally left-handed, right-brain, freedom-seeking, fun-loving, artistic, creative, emotional, identity within me. And then there was the right-handed, left-brain, intellectual, structured, stoic, analytical, artificial identity that co-existed within me. My left-handed emotional identity is an author and a passionate speaker. My right-handed intellectual, analytical identity is a lawyer. This identity doesn’t want to admit that success comes from coordinating with contributions from that other identity. It is a jealous mistress co-existing in the same household constantly creating havoc within me. I could be so much better than I am if I could get these two identities to work together. I can’t get them to understand that if one succeeds they both succeed. Like two selfish children they don’t want to compromise. “No negotiating, get rid of her.”
My twin and I understood compromise. What was hers was mine and what was mine was hers, that gave us twice as much. When she excelled I excelled. It is so much easier to reason and communicate with the twin without than with a more personal identity within me. My left-handed identity, hidden under the carpet but passionately commanding,, “I am nothing if I can’t sing my song.” While standing in the shadows is my analytical identity, a jealous mistress, knowing that it can never be the one, my first love, the one that makes my heart sing.
As I sat looking into the television camera, Greg Oden, the new center for the Miami Heat came to mind and at that moment I became absolutely clear of his issue that I wrote about in my July 20, 2013 blog. “He can be so much better than he is, just like I can be so much better than I am.” But, how do I tell him I can’t even communicate with myself?
Now for all of you who keep asking what happened to my book, “How I Broke the Glass Ceiling,” the one that received the 2001 Outcry Book Review
and picture with Oprah Winfrey. Now I know the answer and why. It is intricately hidden within the covers of Sink or Swim just like the identities that hide within me.